Topical Chat, April 17, 2006
I hope everybody had a wonderful Easter weekend, and most importantly, I hope you didn’t get sick on the ham.
1. On a couple near Cincinnati hoping to make a point with a backyard display of 15 toilets and dozens of toilet brushes - protesting the fact that local authorities said they couldn't build a privacy fence in the yard:
“Gives a whole new meaning to the term ‘marking one’s property.’”
2. On the Kentucky Derby featuring a $1000 drink - the pricey cocktail boasts only the finest ingredients: mint from Morocco, ice from the Arctic Circle and sugar from the South Pacific, Kentucky's best bourbons, and a gold-plated cup with a silver straw:
“This costs more than most homes in Kentucky.”
3. On firefighters in Wadsworth, Ohio, dousing a blaze in a new home and finding that the cause of the fire was an indoor pot farm with $700,000 worth of marijuana plants in the basement:
“Some firefighters ‘suffered’ from smoke inhalation, but instead of being taken to the hospital, they requested to be taken to Denny’s.”
4. On a study that reports that there has been an increase in pets are getting acupuncture in the U.S.:
“These are probably the same owners that dress their pets up in those embarrassing costumes.”
5. On a bowling tournament in North Dakota, where the winner gets the bowling alley:
“2nd prize is the keys to the city.”
6. On Australian cheerleaders being banned from baring midriffs for fear of encouraging eating disorders:
“Thank goodness, they’ve finally taken the responsibility away from the parents!”
7. On a youth minister who was charged with assault for allegedly knocking down a 16-year-old boy and kicking him in the groin after taking a head shot from the teen in a dodgeball game (in Liberty, Missouri):
“The Lord works in mysterious ways.”
8. On the search for Jerry Garcia's toilet - police say the Grateful Dead leader's commode was stolen recently from a driveway along with three other toilets and a bidet:
“I’m wondering what the demand is on the Jerry’s ‘throne.’ Are there really that many offers for the place where Garcia ‘dropped all that brown rope?’ I wonder if the cocaine residue is still considerable.”
1 Comments:
1. 14 toilets weren't enough?
2. I hope you get to keep the cup.
3. Dude, this fire is like so hot.
4. People treat their pets like humans. I will never understand this.
5. And the loser gets to move to South Dakota.
6. What's the point of cheerleaders if you can't see skin?
7. An eye for an eye... and a groin for a head.
8. Jerry Garcia's toilet I don't see the value. Now if it were Jerry Garcia's bong, I would expect a bidding war on that sucker.
Post a Comment
<< Home