Topical Chat, May 5, 2006

Happy Cinco De Mayo, everyone! Enjoy your Coronas and Dos Equis, and be sure to drive safely.

1. On a small Norwegian town passing a curfew that forbids dogs from being out at night:
“Word has it that Kevin Federline will have to alter his vacation plans.”

2. On a woman who gave birth to a premature baby (born a month early) that was 14 pounds:
“The baby then proceeded to eat the doctors.”

3. On a grandma in Nebraska who accidentally dropped her grandchild off at the wrong address, thinking it was the daycare place:
“She then took a dump in the closet.”

4. On a woman in Indiana claiming that a razor blade in a fish sandwich she ate cut the inside of her throat:
“Looks like another bad McDonalds promotion.”

5. On a man celebrating his release from jail being arrested on a South Shore train for public intoxication and disorderly conduct:
“Looks like the next celebration/sentencing will take place in about 6 months.”

6. On a Des Moines woman, her boyfriend and her two children being kicked out of a Chinese buffet restaurant last week after management accused her of leaving too much food on her plate:
“What you think, cat grow on trees?”

7. On a North Dakota woman wanted on a drug-related warrant being arrested after she was found hiding in a clothes dryer:
“The woman mistook the dryer for a space ship.”

8. On a Minnesota man, who stands at 7-Foot-8, receiving three new pairs of size-26 shoes:
“Luckily, the sporting goods store had a couple of extra canoes.”