Topical Chat, May 3, 2006

Great, the Flyers got blown out last night, so now I have only the Phillies to watch. I need a hobby.

1. On a report that more and more professors are banning laptops in class because students aren’t taking notes, but playing online games:
“Plus, they don’t like teaching to a full classroom of students (translation – ban laptops, and students will stop showing up).

2. On a 33-year-old man in northern Malaysia who has married a 104-year-old woman, saying mutual respect and friendship had turned to love:
“He apparently likes the feel of sawdust on his genitalia.”

3. On a 4-year-old boy dubbed "India's Forrest Gump" who ran 40 miles Tuesday to enter the country's foremost record book:
“However, the lion finally caught him.”

4. On a 20-year-old who was found by a Wal-Mart employee in the bathroom Sunday night after he sat down and was glued to the toilet seat:
“The 20-year-old said that the stall did not have any Dale Earnhardt toilet seat liners, and he refused to use the plain liners.”

5. On a woman who has been sentenced to two years' probation for displaying a handgun during a meeting with her son's assistant principal:
“Apparently, the assistant principal refused to buy drugs from her.”

6. On a group of school boys who allegedly started a steamroller, which ran out of control and smashed into a school in central Serbia:
“President Putin reportedly giggled hysterically when reading this story.”

7. On an 81-year-old Iowa man who has won three big lottery scratch-off jackpots in the past year, totaling $81,000 (he spends $200 a week on them):
“Should cover all of his funeral expenses.”

8. On Malaysia trying to flush its long-held image of having foul-smelling public restrooms with a National Toilet Summit to educate the public about the importance of clean commodes:
“I had no idea that there would ever be something called a ‘National Toilet Summit.’ I would think that some U.S. fast food restaurants and gas stations should be included in this.”

9. On a former saleswoman who won a $1.7 million sexual harassment verdict after being spanked by co-workers as part of a sales competition, who is now taking her story to television:
“From a financial standpoint, this was the best spanking she ever received.”