Topical Chat, May 19, 2006

Friday, Friday, we’ve missed you so. Friday, Friday, please don’t go (a little poem for y’all).

1. On a man in New York, who was charged with burglary and criminal mischief after he allegedly broke into a funeral home and fell asleep in a coffin:
“I would probably sleep on a bed of nails before I sleep in a coffin.”

2. On a retired businesswoman in London who was accused of vandalizing her neighbors' property and blocking local roads with dead animals and dog feces, being served with an order banning her from engaging in anti-social behavior:
“Now, how high does one have to stack dead animals and feces before a road is considered blocked? In the south, that would be considered cuisine.”

3. On an 80-year-old lady getting a tattoo that says “Do Not Resuscitate” on her:
“Unfortunately, the tattoo is located on the inside of her leg.”

4. On a man in England, who is nicknamed the “naked rambler” and has had numerous brushes with the law on land was arrested on an airplane for taking his clothes off:
“Does the guy start telling long-winded stories when he takes his clothes off?”

5. On a guy in Oklahoma who was arrested after he allegedly tried to sell a valuable Rembrandt etching at a bar:
“I’ll trade ya a Picasso for a dip of yer chew!”

6. On a Kentucky family who is fighting to keep a pet lion named Kitty:
“On an unrelated note, missing children are on the rise in Kentucky.”

7. On a 9-year-old Hurricane Katrina survivor who’s family moved to Colorado afterwards – and who was saved from drowning in a river by a Labrador Retriever:
“This kid should take up mountain climbing or anything that has nothing to do with water.”

8. On a man in Illinois who is suing Kraft because he claims he found a rodent tooth in his peanuts:“After the lawsuit was dropped, the guy yelled out, ‘Rats!’ I know, that joke was a little cheesie....hey-yo!”