Topical Chat, May 24, 2006

Not sure if I’m going to be posting on Friday, because I might be too busy … ON VACATION!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. On the death of Boo-Boo the Chicken, in Arkansas – a chicken when that was saved from drowning using mouth-to-beak resuscitation:
“At least the meat will be moist.”

2. On a driver in Lithuania who was pulled over and found to have 18 times the legal limit of alcohol in his system:
“The guy was pulled over on a toaster.”

3. On a woman in Alabama who was accused of hitting her husband and another woman in the head with a can of Raid:
“Raid – Not Just For Bugs!”

4. On a New York City traffic agent being charged with writing dozens of fraudulent parking tickets sometimes while sitting in her car miles away from the bogus violations she cited:
“Another reason to hate meter maids.”

5. On an alligator in West Palm Beach, Florida, stalling traffic when it tried to cross a busy turnpike during rush hour:
“Unfortunately, the cop that tried to give the gator a J-walking ticket is missing.”

6. On a student at Pillsbury Baptist Bible College (in Minnesota) being charged in the theft of his roommate's debit card, which was used to pay for more than $2,300 worth of calls to phone sex lines:
“Jerry Falwell is a college student???”

7. On a man who shot and killed a 130-pound mountain lion that attacked his dog outside the family's home:
“That guy meant business … and I’m not ‘lion.’”

8. On a high school in Massachusetts banning t-shirts with Sesame Street-like gang members portrayed on it:
“No word on the Tele-thuggies t-shirts.”

9. On a citizen panel that says that Oregon legislators and staff members should not be drunk while performing their official duties:
“What next, banning the use of hookers during work hours?”