Topical Chat, June 5, 2006

Yes, I am just about fully recovered from the birthday party on Saturday night – not sure if everyone else who attended is.

1. On the city of Hell, Michigan, getting ready for the 6-6-6 party:
“Osama Bin Laden is scheduled to be the grand master of the parade.”

2. On a pilot of a single-engine plane who had to land his plane because he discovered a snake in the cockpit:
“This sounds like a porn movie, or a really bad Samuel L. Jackson movie that is scheduled for release this fall.”

3. On a court in Madrid, Spain, making a ruling that a divorced man cannot make unannounced visits to his dog at his ex-wife’s house:
“Sounds like the guy had a really good lawyer.”

4. On a teen in Illinois who was arrested for leaving the scene of an accident, and then stole and crashed a police car:
“Looks like Bobby Bowden might have his next quarterback.”

5. On Six high school seniors in Fort Kent who were charged with criminal trespass and criminal mischief after a class prank in which they ordered 10 goslings and 45 chicks from an Indiana company and then set them loose in Community High School:
“Apparently, t-ping peoples cars is so 1990’s.”

6. On the country of China, which will scramble mobile phone signals in some exam halls and have police stand guard in a bid to stop cheating as millions of students take the highly competitive college entrance exams this month:
“They will also order 10,000 guillotines … just as a precaution … wink, wink.”

7. On a man accused of not paying for his Pop-Tarts having trouble with his getaway - first, the clerk at the convenience store ripped the man's shirt off as they struggled when she confronted him for pocketing the toaster pastries, then after the man punched the clerk in the stomach and made it out the door, he was hit by a pickup truck in the parking lot, and then he got up and kept running … into the path of a minivan while he was crossing the street:
“He then stepped on a hornets nest, and then ran into a tree trying to escape the nasty hornets.”

8. On a man in Ohio who bowled for 102 hours, one minute and 25 seconds - he bowled 480 games over more than four days:“People Magazine has contacted him, and hopes to put him in their annual ‘100 Sexiest Men’ issue.”