Topical Chat, June 2, 2006

This is the best day of the year … and do you know why? Because it is my birthday. I will post another picture this weekend (for your captions).

1. On a tax collector in the southern Austrian city of Graz accidentally leaving $28,000 in cash in a black attache case he placed on top of a toilet in the men's room of a local restaurant:
“The tax collector also left behind a brown turd … no word on how much that was worth, though.”

2. On a liquor store clerk in Oregon who says he was distracted by what he called the young lady's scanty attire when he sold the underaged lady a six-pack of beer (even though, on the license it said “Minor Until 2007):
“The clerk is currently considering running for congress.”

3. On a couple who tried to hire a hit man to kill their three grandchildren and daughter-in-law to stop them from testifying against their son in his rape trial:
“Sounds like a nice, traditional family.”

4. On a former deputy who was relieved of duty for using his patrol car's dashboard-mounted camera to film bikini-clad girls at the beach:
“Probably while trying to down a dozen donuts in under a minute.”

5. On a sculpture of a cow wearing a jet pack and leaping over a crescent moon going on display this month in front of the Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center in downtown Salt Lake City:
“According to sources, the artist would field questions about the sculpture as soon as he was released from rehab.”

6. On a California woman who pled no contest for letting her Shih Tzu get so dirty it couldn't move properly:
“On a serious note, this lady should be punched in the throat. But, on a lighter note, guess what the Shih Tzu smelled like?”

7. On a teenager who was accused of spiking a fellow theater student's drink with bleach because she wanted the lead role in a school play (in Texas):
“So much for that prom queen bid.”

8. On an ice-cream truck driver that was arrested for drunk driving (while working) in Indiana:
“Hey kids, do you want a ‘real’ lemon water-ice?”