Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Topical Chat, May 31, 2006

It’s still only May???? It was 95 degrees yesterday – thank goodness I wore pants that reminded me of a cheap hotel … no ballroom.

1. On a man wearing a purple women's bathing suit and carrying a flare gun being arrested after he told a bartender he was going to "get rid of all the dirt bags in Key West:”
“Unfortunately, the man never considered turning the gun on himself … or herself.”

2. On a man who apparently severed his penis in an attempt to convince his wife that he was faithful to her, recovering after surgery to reattach the organ at a northern Malaysian hospital:
“For some reason, I’m guessing the wife FINALLY believes him.”

3. On a woman who says she's recovered a stolen class ring that was purportedly spit up from a Kentucky catfish:
“Ah yes, the notorious Kentucky Felonious Catfish, or KFC.”

4. On a cop in Wisconsin who ate a record 13 donuts in one minute:
“He also missed a record six crimes in that same span.”

5. On a cordless jump rope that was invented by Lester Clancey:
“This may be as good of an idea as that Jump to Conclusions game in Office Space.”

6. On researchers in California who claim to have a duck X-ray showing what appears to be an alien creature in the bird's stomach:
“In an unrelated story, a large drug bust uncovered a stash of very powerful weed.”

7. On some banks in Florida that have posted signs asking patrons to remove hats and sunglasses before doing any banking:
“That’s not as crazy as the strip joints in Vegas asking men to remove their pants.”

8. On Doctors in Shanghai who were considering surgery options for a 2-month-old boy born with an unusually well-formed third arm:
“They didn’t realize that the child’s father was Johnny Holmes.”

2 Comments:

At 12:07 PM, Blogger Ink and Stone said...

No ballroom.... haaaaaaaahahahahaaaa.

1. Let this be a lesson to ya kiddies, drugs make you do bad/insane/cross-dressing things.

2. Wow, if the woman doesn't trust you enough that you have to cut your own knob off... time to find a more trust-worthy woman.

3. Hmmmm... there's something kind of fishy about that story.

4. The department then waived his health benefits because he eats like a pig.

5. Cord.Less.Jump.Rope? Ummm... isn't that just... jumping?

6. The idiot doctors don't realize that the alien is just a smudge on the xray machine.

7. I remember seeing a comedy show on TV where the ongoing joke was to put 'Please Disrobe' signs in elevators and waiting rooms of doctors's offices/hospitals.

8. I wonder if this has anything to do with the 'alien in the duck' story mentioned earlier!

 
At 1:50 PM, Blogger mollymcmo said...

oh man i'm picturing the ballroom, oh man, oh man..........

m

 

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