Topical Chat, June 7, 2006

Looks like we’ll have to wait until 2106 for Armageddon.

1. On superstitious mothers-to-be around the country, who took steps to make sure their babies were not born on the most bedeviling of dates, 6-6-6:
“Of course, some mothers (like Brittany) were tirelessly trying to have a baby on this day – because, after all, somebody has to give birth to the Prince of Darkness.”

2. On a seagull that was hit by a pitch during a minor league baseball game in Buffalo:
“The seagull later scored on a double.”

3. On Criminology students in Florida finding a real body during a field trip to investigate a fake crime scene:
“Man, this school has to have the best criminology department in all the land … no wonder they call them the Florida State Criminoles.”

4. On a spooked deer that rampaged through an apartment on Monday morning, leaving a flood, temporarily displacing a family and leaving the family dog temporarily unconscious:
“The deer then took a crossing guard hostage, and vandalized a local park.”

5. On the U.S. Secret Service confiscating bogus $1 million bills printed as religious tracts from an evangelical ministry (in Texas), saying the handbills too closely mimic real money:
“Apparently, this was one of the few churches that didn’t donate any money to the Republican Party.”

6. On a city teacher convicted of stealing from elderly women who is trying to take a leave of absence to serve prison time in New Jersey:
“No, Bobby, that is not the way you steal a purse! Now, as punishment, you’ll have to clean all of the chalk boards after school.”

7. On a woman eating at a Burger King restaurant in the Netherlands finding a live frog in her salad:
“Apparently, she didn’t have it her way.”

8. On a teen-aged thief dressed in a woman's wig, clothing and makeup snatching a 71-year-old grandmother's purse in a mall in Floriday:
“The thief also went so far as to wear soiled Depends undergarments.”