Topical Chat, June 16, 2006

Thankfully, another Friday has FINALLY arrived. Even the U.S. has no chance against the Italians in the World Cup, I’m going to watch the game (against my better judgment).

1. On twenty-three student teams from around the country are competing in a concrete canoe competition to find out if concrete floats:
“Next, these teams will jump off buildings to see if they can fly.”

2. On a bear that stole 50 pounds of dog food from a Tennessee Home:
“Looks like the family will be ordering out all week.”

3. On police discovering a suspicious package at a police station in southern Japan Friday, prompting them to evacuate the surrounding area and dispatch a bomb disposal team which used its expertise to identify the parcel as a box filled with cans of beer:
“I always knew that Japanese beer was far inferior to other beer, but I didn’t realize it was this bad.”

4. On students who celebrated graduation by revisiting the raucous revelry of "Animal House" at a restaurant and volleyball sandpit owned by an actor from the 1978 movie, getting cited for underage drinking:
“Mind if we dance wit your dates?”

5. On a female streaker from New Zealand who was fined for disorderly conduct, selling the bikini on an online auction, and getting a bid that was 10-times the fine:
“I thought streaking entailed being totally naked? She cheated.”

6. On a physician in Colorado who performed CPR to save his dog’s life after a baseball got stuck in his airway:
“So, this is what your balls taste like.”

7. On a man in California, who dug a 60-foot hole in his front yard in search of gold (his gold detector gave a positive hit in the front yard):
“He was immediately accepted into USC.”

8. On a court-house in South Dakota that had marijuana plants growing on it’s lawn:
“If I ever commit a crime, I know what state I want to commit it in.”