Topical Chat, June 12, 2006

Exciting – the first tropical storm of the year has been named! It truly is summertime!

1. On a new study indicating that the main ingredient in beer may help prevent prostate cancer and enlargement:
“I always knew I was healthy, I just never realized quite how healthy I was.”

2. On Californian Joey Chestnut who downed 47 grilled cheese sandwiches in ten minutes this weekend in Las Vegas to set a world record:
“I’m not sure which is worse, having the name Joey Chestnut, or being known for eating 47 grilled cheese sandwiches in 10 minutes.”

3. On dozens of cyclists riding nude through downtown Mexico City on Saturday, demanding respect from motorists and protesting against the car-oriented culture in this megalopolis:
“Yup, riding your bikes downtown naked should definitely get you respect … FROM PIMPS AND RAPISTS!”

4. On a man suing an auto-parts store (in Rochester, NY) for assault and battery after he attempted to hold up the business and employees responded by beating him with a metal pipe:
“This guy should be forced to eat his own excrement.”

5. On a black bear (in New Jersey) that picked the wrong yard for a jaunt, running into a territorial tabby cat who ran the furry beast up a tree twice:
“Will he be the laughing-stock of all the other Black Bears after this one? I can picture the other Black Bears giggling and saying things like ‘Can you believe that Bubba is afraid of a little pussy?’”

6. On a recently incarcerated inmate who claims she was unaware she was pregnant giving birth in her cell to a baby boy:
“She immediately named her son ‘Cellio.’”

7. On police in Arizona who have arrested a mother and father and accused them of giving marijuana to their young sons as a reward for good behavior:
“Geez, anytime I was rewarded for good behavior, I usually got a taffy or got to stay up an hour later … the stakes have certainly been raised.”

8. On township officials in PA who are seeking a court order to clean up and possibly tear down a rat-infested house where they say animal waste is piled a foot high and trash is stacked to the ceiling:
“Finally, somebody is going to clean up Philadelphia’s city government!”