Topical Chat, June 28, 2006

Thank goodness, more rain in the forecast … makes me wish I would’ve built that ark sooner.

1. On a recent study that proclaimed Americans are more socially isolated than they were 20 years ago, separated by work, commuting and the single life:
“Apparently, free online porn was not one of the culprits.”

2. On three Argentinian soccer fans who were thrown out of their team's World Cup clash with Holland for pretending to be disabled:
“What gave them away was that they weren’t nearly as drunk as the European fans.”

3. On a Japanese boy who burned down his home, killing his stepmother and two younger siblings, for fear his parents would find out he had lied about his score on an English test:
“From the ‘You Think You Have Strict Parents’ department.”

4. On a man who made a mockery of the justice system when he tried to get removed from a jury pool in a death penalty case by claiming he is a heroin addict and a killer:
“This guy really seemed to think things through.”

5. On Ashlee Simpson, who is ready to show off her new nose … in Playboy:
“Yup, Playboy – the perfect magazine to show off your new nose … because people will obviously be focusing on your nose and not your ‘dirty pillows.’”

6. On a Plainfield firefighter who resigned Tuesday after being accused of removing a soda from the refrigerator of a burned home and drinking the beverage:
“That’s right, we counted 23 seared cans of soda … where the hell is the 24th, O’Leary?”

7. On a new law in Scotland in which a man can no longer divorce his wife without telling her about it:
“Hey honey, just thought I’d let you know, we are divorced now … can I still have the kilt?”

8. On a new burger developed in St. Louis that promises great health, but will most likely give you diarrhea AND cost 30% more:
“This should go over about as well as those ‘WOW’ potato chips that were ‘healthier,’ but had one small side effect … anal discharge.”