Topical Chat, July 3, 2006

For all of those unlucky enough to have to work today (I am one of those), just remember – nobody can really expect you to produce anything today.

1. On a report that claims that two-thirds of Americans don’t know the National Anthem:
“Makes sense – that is about how many people that can’t speak English.”

2. On a new rule in Connecticut - Starting this month, cops get to keep 10 bucks for every speeding ticket they write:
“Hopefully those cops will get nasty carpal tunnel.”

3. On China enacting tough new transplant rules - for one, the donor has to be dead before their organs can be harvested, and may for the first time have to give their consent:
“However, these rules do not apply to any of the non-communists in China.”

4. On a woman who had her car stolen, but after the vehicle was recovered, she found that the thieves put in a new battery, wheels, steering column and glove box:
“In an apparently unrelated incident, the Pep Boys down the street is missing a new battery, a set of wheels, a steering column, and a glove box.”

5. On Rick 'Pellet Gun' Krause reclaiming Cherry Pit Spitting Title from his son Brian 'Young Gun' Krause at the International Cherry Pit Spitting Championship in southwestern Michigan:
“They celebrated by watching reruns of Hee Haw … gosh that Roy sure is funny.”

6. On physicians removing 119 nails - many of them rusty - from a woman's stomach months after she apparently swallowed them:
“The lady’s friends had to explain to her that this is not what they meant when they told her she needed to release stress by getting nailed.”

7. On a bank robber who unintentionally left a clue for the police – the note passed to the teller announcing the holdup had the robber's address on the back:
“I wonder if this is the same guy that stole that lady’s car…”

8. On the annual UFO festival taking place in Roswell, New Mexico:
“The featured speaker is Michael Jackson.”