Topical Chat, July 17, 2006

1. On former U.S. president Bill Clinton having to
walk through a metal detector just like an ordinary
person before he could board a private jet in South
Africa: “They were able to confiscate 3 hookers on his person.”


2. On some churches converting to a hip-hop beat with
their hymns: “The final reading comes from the book of Tupac.”


3. On Democrats pulling an Internet ad that showed
flag-draped coffins Friday after Republicans and at
least two Democrats demanded it be taken down on
grounds the image was insensitive and not fit for a
political commercial: “They decided to go for the more accepted Monica
Lewinsky ads.”


4. On an argument during a game of scrabble leading to
a man being bashed at least 40 times with a baseball
bat and stabbed five times in the back: “The contestant only wanted to know the proper definition of the word murder.”


5. On Russian President Vladimir Putin rejecting a
suggestion from U.S. President George W. Bush that his
country should emulate democracy in Iraq: “Thankfully, Bush did not try and convince Putin to emulate the U.S. ‘democracy.’”


6. On beer baron Peter Coors' driver's license being
revoked by a hearing officer who ruled the executive
had been driving under the influence of alcohol: “When questioned by police, Coors said that he wasn’t drinking alcohol, he was only drinking Coors Light.”


7. On Massachusetts officials claiming that more
potential problems have been found in a Big Dig
tunnel: 242 areas where loose bolts have created gaps
between the tunnel roof and a metal frame that
supports concrete ceiling panels: “But nobody noticed because the Red Sox were still in first place.”


8. On a new person being crowned champion of the
National Cluck-Off competition - an event the Fort
Smith, Arkansas:
“The runner up unfortunately laid an egg in the competition.”