Topical Chat, July 14, 2006

Not sure how my sense of humor will be, I’m working on less than 5 hours of sleep.

1. On a police dog that was left in a pickup truck with the engine running, then apparently knocking the vehicle into gear and running down a woman who was walking to her mailbox:“When asked, the dog said he learned how to drive from his ‘paw.’”

2. On Jenks High School (in Ohio) football player dying in an accident following a rolling paintball battle on the Creek Turnpike:“Looks like the village will have to find another idiot.”

3. U.S. Cellular Field (Home of the White Sox) being one of the top 10 vegetarian-friendly ballparks in the nation, according to People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals:“The stadium is so honored by this recognition, that they are contemplating having a PETA $1 hot dog night.”

4. On officials distancing themselves from a state-sponsored CD of children's songs recorded by prison inmates after it was revealed a child sex offender helped put it together:“I thought Michael Jackson was in France.”

5. On a lady in California, who had triplets three years ago, giving birth to quadruplets (Though she used fertility drugs with the triplets, she didn't with the quadruplets):
“The husband, a 5-year-old cocker spaniel, was unavailable for comment.”

6. On GMC introducing a crossover to its lineup, adding to a fast-growing market segment that aims to mix passenger capacity with a sleeker look and better gas mileage (called the 2007 GMC Acadia):“It’s good to see General Motors finally getting within 5-years of the curve.”

7. On a fellow IRL driver saying that Danica Patrick has what it takes to succeed if she switches to the paint-swapping world of NASCAR and that she's plenty aggressive in open-wheel racing when it's "the right time of the month:”“Has Brett Myers found a new career already?”

8. On a McDonald's fast-food outlet in the south east of the Netherlands agreeing to remove urinals that are shaped liked wide-open red lips after a shocked American customer complained to the McDonald's head office in the US:“McDonalds named the urinal the Mc-Jagger.”