Topical Chat, August 11, 2006

Finally, some more comfortable temperatures … unfortunately, I’m no longer on vacation … sigh.

1. On a British politician suggesting that inbreeding is the cause of the high rate of diabetes among his constituents:“He also claims that he invented the question mark.”

2. On 4 people being arrested because a fight over a cigarette butt:
“Unfortunately, there were no witnesses to the fight that happened earlier over a bottle cap.”

3. On University of Florida college students who designed a robot shopping cart that follows you around as you shop:“Sadly, these students were unable to design a way to get a passing grade.”


4. On a man who found a rotting baby corpse in a truck that he just bought:“Sounds like GM is going a little overboard with their promotions.”

5. On a new study that has found that people who study the effects of television are predictable, alarmist, prone to generalizations, surprised by the obvious and, quite possibly, insane:
“No word on the results of the study of the people who study the people watching tv.”

6. On five fat girls who are wanted for robbing a guy of a gallon of milk and then “pelting him with a flurry of chubby fists:”
“Does one ever get over being beaten up by a gang of heffers? How long are friends allowed to milk jokes out of this one … whoops, I made a pun, and I didn’t even mean to … I’m so a’moo’sing!”

7. On two Arkansas wildlife officers being demoted after they were found to have been hunting without licenses in Tennessee:
“Shockingly, these people are from the same state as Clinton.”

8. On a man who stashed weed in a gas can, and then tried to open the can up with a torch, causing it to explode:
“He probably regrets not watching any episodes of Bill Nye the Science Guy.”



****BONUS ONE *****

9. On a man who fathered 37 children looking for sterilization treatments:
“That’s like Paris Hilton deciding to become a nun.”