Shouldn’t weekends be three days instead of two?

1. On a man who destroyed a woman's mailbox, then left behind a graphic photo of himself after she rejected his sexual advances:
“Just to give her the peace of mind that she made the right decision.”

2. On a Japanese company that claims to have developed a 100 per cent natural chewing gum able to increase the size, shape and firmness of women’s breasts naturally:
“Gives a whole new meaning to blowing big bubbles.”

3.On a guy who got shot in the groin, and then later got tasered by the police:
“He was then hit by an old lady with a cane, bit in the arse by Rottweiler, and shat on by a pigeon.”

3. On Sierra Blanca, the nation’s largest sewage dump:
“And to think we keep voting for politicians from around this area.”

4. On a man who yelled at people that were having a party in a apartment complex, and then jumped off of his balcony:
“He threatened to rip his eyes out if that didn’t work.”

5. On Barcelona, in an attempt to halt gang violence, the country has taken the unusual step of legalising the Latin Kings (a brutal gang), and registering them as a cultural association that could receive state aid:
“In an attempt to halt terrorism, Barcelona is considering selling explosive devices at train stations.”

6. On a mother who has been charged with helping her 13-year-old son search for someone to rob (she claims it was something they could do together):
“Yep, sounds like family values are still alive and well in the good ol’ US of A.”

7. On a recent study that claims IPods can make you hallucinate:
“However, they only make you hallucinate if you drop acid prior to listening to them.”

8. On Stephen King’s dieting tips:
“NBC has already bought the movie rights to them.”