Topical Chat, September 4, 2006

Man, time sure flies when you are having fun … that’s why the work week is so f**kin’ slow.

1. On Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, dying suddenly after being poked in the chest by a sting-ray:
“Will Animal Planet proactively develop the show “Australia’s Next Crocodile Hunter?”

2. On the final curtain going down on the Lord of the Rings musical in Toronto, after only 5 months:
“I’m really surprised that this concept went over like a bucket of farts.”

3. On a town that has banned spitting in the street - with offenders facing on-the-spot fines of up to $1100 in a bid to rid a suburb of the "filthy habit":
“The good news is that you can still spit on police officers, as long as they are on the sidewalk.”

4. On a father who smashed his way into a pub and passed out blamed tablets he took for pain after being shot in the testicle:
“Gotta love the guy’s decision making skills, choosing a pub over a hospital, after he got shot in the coin purse.”

5. On a Toledo man who believes he can profile any crime, because he watches a lot of cop shows:
“He also feels that he would be able to withstand being hit in the head by a 1000 pound anvil, because he watched a lot of Roadrunner cartoons.”

6. On Father Gabriele Amorth, who is Pope Benedict XVI's senior exorcist, claiming that author J.K. Rowling's global hit Harry Potter books contain innumerable positive references to magic, "the satanic art,” and that Harry Potter is downright evil - hiding "the signature of the king of darkness, the devil:”
“Good to see that the church continues to try and discourage reading and literacy, much like they did in the dark ages.”


7. On a family from Ecuador that claims that donkey milk is the key to longevity:
“What a bunch of asses.”


8. On a New Jersey couple facing charges of child abuse and child endangerment, after allegedly leaving their three-week-old son alone in a car in an Atlantic City casino parking garage for several hours, while they gambled:
“In an apparently unrelated story, Brittany Spears was scheduled to appear at the Borgata this past weekend … WE’RE COUNTRY!”