Topical Chat, August 25, 2006

Looks like it will be a nice sober weekend for me, as I will be celebrating somebody’s birthday on Friday night, Saturday night, and Smokin’s engagement party on Sunday … I apologize to my liver ahead of time:

1. One a recent study that found that polar bear genitals are shrinking due to pollution:
“No word on if the researchers took the cold arctic water into account for the shrinkage.”

2. On a Kenyan teenager claiming to have al-Qaida connections who has been acquitted of charges that he threatened to blow up St. Louis' towering Gateway Arch in what turned out to be a hoax:
“I guess he wasn’t cut out for being a marathon runner.”

3. On more than 10 explosions rocking a bomb recycling plant in northwestern Louisiana on Thursday:
“I wonder what caused the explosions?”

4. On a doctor who was convicted for growing almost 50,000 marijuana plants avoiding a prison sentence Thursday after analysis found his dope was a dud:
“The cops later found out that he was growing “weeds,” not “weed.”

5. On a Jefferson County geography teacher who was placed on paid administrative on the second day of school for hanging several flags from other countries in his classroom:
“Principal Hitler was unavailable for comment.”

6. On a homeless woman refusing to stop bathing naked in Munich's public fountains despite being repeatedly fined for breaking public nudity laws:
“What are they fining her, tin cans? Belly button lint?”

7. On a businessman who is accused of accosting a local TV crew as he was leaving the Bossier Parish Courthouse in Benton, where “not 10 minutes” earlier he had been found not guilty on an unrelated assault charge:
“Hah, you found me innocent of all charges? Well, I’ll show you!”

8. On the lone survivor of the Sago mine disaster suing his company:
“I guess all the movie deals weren’t enough money …”