Topical Chat, September 20, 2006

Best wishes for a safe landing for the Space Shuttle Atlantis!

1. On the recall of all fresh spinach in the United States:
“This, along with the simultaneous disappearance of Olive Oil, makes Bluto the top culprit.”

2. On the White House uploading anti-drug videos to You-Tube:
“Apparently, videos of the past two U.S. presidents ‘sedated’ will be used.”

3. On school officials apologizing after an X-rated font was used on a third-grade spelling packet handed out to parents - the font showed male and female stick figures in provocative poses to form the letters of the alphabet:
“Most of the students questioned said that for some reason, they loved the number 69 best.”

4. On a 13-year-old boy who accidentally shot his 9-year-old brother in the face when he was trying to teach him about gun safety:
“Hey look at the bright side, at least he didn’t show the kid what happens in prison when you drop the soap.”

5. On a woman who had written her name and driver’s license number on the bottom of two of her fern pots, and later having them stolen:
“Are you sure that those were ‘fern’ pots?”

6. On a hospital taking immediate steps to try to prevent fatal overdoses of an anti-clotting drug to infants, two days after six premature babies accidentally were injected with doses 1,000 times greater than they were supposed to receive:“On a related note, Keith Richards checked himself in the same hospital.”

7. On the U.S. Elephant Polo team getting ready for an important tournament:
“I hear they make peanuts compared to other sports athletes.”

8. On Rob Smoke, a member of Boulder's Human Relations Commission, posting on his MySpace.com profile page: "I'm tired, I'm hungry, I'm horny, I'm stoned . . . and I'm a city official:"
“I’m guessing this is where the term ‘Rocky Mountain High’ came from. Police are reported to be questioning his friend, Billy Bong.”

9. On a man who was the recipient of the first ever successful penis transplant, and then later wanted it cut back off:“What a dick!”