Topical Chat, December 1, 2006

Wish me luck in my new employment endeavors! I’m gonna need it!

1.On the Salvation Army in Montana falling behind in its holiday collections because it can't find enough bell-ringers:“Exactly, what is the application and interview process for this? ‘Hey, hey you ever rung a bell before? No? Close enough – you’re hired!’”

2.On a legally blind woman, age 94, bowling a 244:
“She was more happy about the bowel movement she experienced later.”

3.On a window-washer that fell asleep on the 20th floor of a building:
“I guess he should stop washing windows with Nyquil.”

4.On a Wisconsin woman who faked having cancer and collected thousands of dollars from sympathetic donors in the process:
“These kinds of people are exactly the ones Satan and Bobby Bowden look for when ‘recruiting.’”

5.On a guy who tried to put his estranged wife into the oven during Thanksgiving:
“Mmmmm, this turkey tastes like mom!”

6.On the U.S. Army accidentally buying golf balls instead of ball bearings:
“I can’t understand why we aren’t winning the war in Iraq … Fore!”

7.On a former strip club waitress who was sentenced Wednesday to five years of supervised release after she pleaded guilty to mailing threatening letters and flammable material, including condoms filled with a potentially explosive mixture:
“My God, you just made the Earth move!”


8.On Danny DeVito being tipsy when he was on The View:
“Seriously, I need to be tipsy just to watch the show.”