Topical Chat, November 8, 2006

The elections are finally over … so, when do we start seeing ads for 2008?

1. On a woman who said she fell off a slippery bar and injured herself while dancing in a "Shake-It-Like-Shakira" contest suing the Manhattan saloon that sponsored the competition:
“I bet she woulda won the ‘suck it like Paris’ contest.”

2. On a 54-year-old Orange Park man crediting two small Bibles in his shirt pocket for saving his life when they stopped a bullet:
“The U.S. government is now investigating whether or not to equip troops in Iraq with bullet proof vests made of bibles.”

3. On the U.N. security council attending a New York Knicks game:
“They’ve finally found a group that is more inept than they are.”

4. On the governor of South Carolina being turned away at the polls:
“Apparently, he was ‘dressed far too purty’ to be governor of South Carolina.”

5. On a woman who bought a car, and found the following pre-recorded message: "We would like to congratulate you on your '04 Trailblazer, I know you got f**ked, but still in the long run, you're going to be happy with it. So, take care:"
“Truth in advertising only benefits the consumer PRIOR to purchase.”

6. On a new film documentary that claims violence in some U.S. cities is worse than in Iraq:
“Unfortunately, this film was done during election time.”

7. On a Moscow-based doctor who has launched production of individually tailored condoms:
“I had no idea one could make condoms out of vodka.”

8. On a principal of a New York school being fined $10,000 for sending a letter endorsing a local candidate home with students:
“You know, one is never too young to learn the fine art of corruption.”