Topical Chat, October 23, 2006

Ugh, another f’in Monday.

1. On a “sculptor” who constructed a 10-room haunted house out of latex balloons:
“Unfortunately, a guy dressed as a porcupine ruined the whole thing.”

2. On the new slogan for the city of Seattle, “Metronatural:”
“It narrowly beat out, 'Seriously, do you really need sunlight?’”

3. On a man in Michigan with a Mannequin fetish, being arrested for ‘fondling’:
“Unfortunately, he mistook Pamela Anderson for a mannequin.”

4. On lion statues being deemed to risqué for children’s park:
“However, the John Mark statues were OK’d.”

5. On a woman who gave birth to a baby girl just hours after going to hospital complaining of "flatulence:”
“She called the baby Air Biscuit.”

6. On a group of parents that sued a high school girls basketball coach so they can have a committee of parents and community members run team:
“Apparently, this school district has an overabundance of assholes.”

7. On a group of cheerleaders who were arrested for after removing 'Dougl' from 'Douglass Valley Elementary School' sign:
“See, not all cheerleaders are stoupid.”

8. On Thai teens getting high/drunk by using everything from cow dung fumes to Coca-Cola mixed with mosquito coil ash (because Muslims are not allowed to drink alcohol):
This makes about as much sense as suicide bombs that kill innocent people … oh wait, nevermind.”