Topical Chat, October 6, 2006

Topical Chat, October 5, 2006

Hopefully, they don’t need this good luck cheer, but “Go Penn State, Beat Those Gophers!!”

1. On Malaysia levying fines on those incorrectly using the national language, and setting up a specialized division to weed out offenders who mix Malay with English:“The U.S. could probably solve its national debt issues with this kind of law.”

2. On a pastor of a church who is facing charges of forging members' names onto three of the church's benevolent fund checks:“It was God’s fault! He told me to do it!”

3. On a woman being arrested after grabbing the buttocks of a male flight attendant (after an altercation):“Hey c’mon – no fair! Male flight attendants are more feminine than females … pick on your own kind, sister!”

4. On a woman with a methamphetamine addiction allegedly cutting off a guy’s penis and stabbing him in the anus:“Because cuttin’ the guy’s “one-eyed wonder worm” off was just not enough, she had to stab him in the wrinkled star … geez!”

5. On parents backing a teacher by saying that even though the teacher is accused of possessing child pornography and running a Web site devoted to the topic of torturing and cannibalizing children, he is actually a caring and devoted teacher who wouldn't harm anyone:“Good thing he didn’t cheat on his taxes, because the parents probably wouldn’t have stood for that!”

6. On a defense-team claiming that a 77-year-old lady died of cancer, even though she was thrown down a flight of stairs and left for dead:“That’s like saying that Notre Dame is the best team in college football, even after they lose 5-in-a-row (now, I’m just dreaming).”

7. On Prince, who was in a Hollywood strip club offering gyrating dancers double their wages to stop dancing:“Finally, Prince is relevant again.”

8. On research that claims the Daily Show has as much substance to it as broadcast news:
“Boy that Tom Brokaw must be pissed….I mean that Peter Jennings isn’t happy about this … wait, is Dan Rather still around?”