Topical Chat, September 29, 2006

Has T.O. become the Dennis Rodman of football? When can we expect him in a wedding dress? Does he have Carmen Elektra on speed dial?

1. On a man who was upset about his wife’s broken glasses, trying to get revenge by bombing his neighbor’s house:
“But, they were Oakleys!!!!!”

2. On Oklahoma police arresting a man after they found Crystal Meth in his prosthetic leg:
“I guess this guy picked the wrong way to try to get a ‘leg up’ in the world.”

3. On a report that George Washington, our first president, was a moonshiner:
“Unfortunately, that explains a lot about this country.”

4. On a new sex tape featuring Dustin Diamond, Screech from Saved by the Bell:
“It’s going to be called ‘Shaved by the Balls.’”

5. On a US doctors' group suing seven leading fast-food chains including McDonald's and Burger King over their use of a "dangerous carcinogenic" in grilled chicken:
“In response, McDonalds has forced its chickens to wear the patch.”

6. On a school that recently suspended four eighth-grade girls because they wore identical outfits on the same day (they are in the same dance group):
“They expelled 25 kids for eating the same lunch.”

7. On a mom who was arrested after her baby was poisoned after drinking formula mixed with bleach:
“On a related note, police finally have a lead on the fake hot-dog dynamite killing of her husband a few months ago.”

8. On the FCC - concerned that a steady diet of TV ads is putting too many pounds on American children, it plans to study links between the ads, viewing habits and the rise of childhood obesity:
“Thankfully, the FCC is refusing to focus on frivolous things like parenting skills.”