Topical Chat, October 4, 2006

Happy Birthday, Dad – you’ve taught me so much over the years, and I am grateful for it all.

1. On a "Flying Elvis" suffering a broken pelvis during the grand opening of the Glacier Peaks Casino:
“Thank goodness there weren’t any ‘Flying Enos’s.’”

2. On a woman facing her fifth drunken-driving charge in the span of a year and third in less than a month showing up to a court appearance drunk:
“This lady sounds like she needs a drink.”

3. On a real clown running for mayor of a town in California:
“I thought Schwarzenegger was already the Governor.”

4. On a TV cameraman sneaking around a school and trying to test the school security being cited for trespassing:
“Why do I get the feeling this is not going to make the cut in that station’s ‘investigative reporter’ series?”

5. On a new study that reports that one out of three American youths is physically unfit:
“I always look at the glass as half full … 2/3 of our kids are physically fit … it’s just a shame that they don’t know what fractions are.”

6. On America’s “cheapest” companies, including one that supplies coffee but makes employees buy the milk:
“You can work here, but you’ll have to bring your own desk.”

7. On a post-football celebration dance at the University of Charleston that erupted into a 90-person brawl:
“Apparently, the football coach has some new recruits.”

8. On a parking lane that turned into a no-parking zone while a person was away from his parked car (and the person got a ticket):
“Philadelphia Mayor John Street was miffed because he didn’t come up with this one first.”