Topical Chat, October 9, 2006

The Yankees lost, T.O. sucked, and PSU won - all is right with the world.

1. On a marine who is hoping to raise money for his family and an orphanage by running an online auction in which the winning bidder will get to give him a new name and he promises to make it legally binding:
“Here’s hoping that the Pink Taco Stand wins this auction.”

2. On a Mississippi father who named his son ESPN:
“Unfortunately, the dad was unsure of how to spell it.”

3. On a 22-year-old man attempted to drive 310 miles in reverse on a remote Outback highway after his transmission failed:“This shouldn’t be surprising, the water flows differently in Australia when the toilet is flushed.”

4. On two morticians who ran back into a burning funeral home to “rescue” some corpses:“Sounds to me like these guys either sniffed too much embalming fluid, or they were getting a little too attached to the corpses.”

5. On North Korea, against the wishes of the entire planet, conducting a nuclear test:
“Seriously, can’t we just turn this area into glass once and for all?”

6. On a record number of entries being displayed at the 13th annual Huron Lions and Lioness Great Scarecrow and Decorated Pumpkin Festival:
“No word on whether or not Ozzie Ozbourne was entered … but Rick Ocasek, last year’s winner, will return.”

7. On a U.K. survey that finds mass corruption in the oil, cars, and construction industries:“In a related note, it was reported by the same scientists that the Easter Bunny is not real, either.”

8. On California and Wisconsin fighting over which state can use the “Happiest Cows” slogan:
“Do cows like weed, because if so, California no doubt has the happiest cows.”