Topical Chat, October 25, 2006

I think I might be risking a heart-attack if I end up watching any more Eagles games … ugh!

1. On a toddler that got stuck in a vending machine:
“More proof that the price of a bag of chips is getting outrageous.”

2. On a jailer who was fired for shooting an inmate with a toy gun:
He was also forced to give back his Fisher Price handcuffs.”

3. On an ape that was scolded for pulling a fire alarm:
“The ape apologized, saying that he lost sanity for just a few seconds and inexplicably went ‘bananas.’”

4. On a candidate for governor of Alabama campaigning on her cleavage:
“Vote for me, and you'll always have a place to put your hand.”

5. On an exploding beer keg that killed a man:
“Homer Simpson was unavailable for comment.”

6. On Salo, a Ukrainian delicacy that consists of pork fat dipped in chocolate:
“I believe this is item number 3 on the Burger King value menu.”

7. On volunteers cleaning up pot farms in California:
“Reports indicate that the volunteers have asked for Pink Floyd cds and cheese puffs during their break time.”

8. On the newest plastic surgery trend – eyelash transplants:
“Unfortunately, many people are getting poked in the eyes because of the poor choice of using pubic hairs.”