Topical Chat, November 3, 2006

Less than a week to go, and this political see-saw will stop for another few years.

1. On a PA letter carrier who was attacked by a squirrel:
“I guess she finally realized her friends were right, when they called her nuts.”

2. On an ex-inmate going trick-or-treating in his prison jump-suit … which caused a local prison to go into lockdown mode:
“I guess we can be thankful he didn’t go trick-or-treating dressed as whatever put him in jail in the first place.”

3. On local police finding out that tasers do not affect cattle:
“They were unable to move Rosie O’Donnell from the middle of the road.”

4. On a study that claims that there will be virtually nothing left to fish from the seas by the middle of the century if current trends continue:
“Because it’s National Cliché Day, I wonder what phrase will replace ‘There’s plenty more fish in the sea.’”

5. On a man looking out for the safety of trick-or-treaters on Halloween night yelling at a speeding motorist to slow down, then being stabbed more than a dozen times by an occupant of the vehicle:
“That was a helluva Tony Soprano costume!”

6. On a man who got arrested for being naked in his own home:
“If he had a big package, did he get arrested for being armed with an unlicensed weapon?”

7. On a highly intoxicated man facing several charges after driving up to a nuclear power plant in search of gasoline – this is the second time this has happened:
“They should’ve directed him to go to the room where the radioactive rods were being stored.”

8. On a pharmaceutical company that is beginning to manufacture a topical HFA aerosol product used in the treatment of premature ejaculation:
“You know, it’s not the men that suffer from premature ejaculation…”