Got the Christmas lights up … or the holiday lights … or whatever the hell you celebrate!

1. On a man who was locked out of his house in this Denver suburb, trying to get in by sliding down the chimney early Friday, and getting stuck and had to be rescued:
“Looks like this guy didn’t do so well during the Santa classes.”
http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=2713010

2. On a married woman who stole items worth tens of thousands of dollars in a string of burglaries to make her boyfriend think she had a high-paying job:
“Call girls make a lot of money, don’t they?”
http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=2712494

3. On a Cambodian man who was stabbed by a sex worker in a brawl, after he refused her request to wear a condom:
“I guess there is more than one reason why they call it ‘safe sex.’”
http://abcnews.go.com/International/wireStory?id=2711742

4. On a nativity scene that had a baby Jesus replaced with a beer can:
“AA claims they had nothing to do with this ‘beer-eautiful’ act.’”
http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=2712464

5. On a Methodist pastor in Iowa who is making the children in his church push a life-sized, cardboard cutout of Jesus around the mall to demonstrate the idea of "taking Jesus with you wherever you go:”
“I’m pretty sure that the Messiah doesn’t want to see me ‘hang bananas.’”
http://www.bsalert.com/artsearch.php?fn=2&as=1559&dt=1

6. On 6,000 letters that were destroyed by a cow:
“That is ‘utterly’ terrible. I wonder who is ‘a-cow-ntable’ for this act.”
http://kutv.com/topstories/local_story_343191238.html

7. On a hug that lands a 4-year-old in detention:
“Apparently, this came from the ‘St. Lucifer’ school.”
http://www.wacotrib.com/news/content/news/stories/2006/12/12102006_wac_offensivetouching.html

8.On a school in Kentucky that is fully decorated with Confederate flags:
“I’d be pissed if they weren’t screwing their sisters and pigs.”
http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/S/SOU_CONFEDERATE_FLAG_KYOL-?SITE=VARIT&SECTION=US&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2006-12-09-12-10-19