Topical Chat, March 19, 2007

Nothing like spending most of a Saturday morning shoveling thick ice from your driveway and sidewalk, and then spend the rest of the weekend aching.

1. On a celebrity fashion designer who has appeared several times on "America's Next Top Model" being charged with sexual assault and rape involving two women and a 15-year-old girl:
“Wait, a straight fashion designer?”
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070314/ap_en_ot/fashion_designer_charged;_ylt=Aipq.Z.i.xYRlAl7Z7hSF9NxFb8C

2. On a woman who was left grossly disfigured and without a nipple or belly button as a result of disastrous plastic surgery:
“Looks like she’ll be suing Dr. Kevorkian.”
http://www.stuff.co.nz/3997083a10.html

3. On the chief organiser of the annual St Patrick's Day parade in New York, incensing the city's firemen by accusing them of turning up drunk and making the Irish look bad:
“Obviously, the Irish have no problems making themselves look bad without the help of firefighters on St. Patrick’s Day.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/03/17/wpat17.xml

4. On a man and a woman posing as police officers being arrested at Los Angeles International Airport as they tried to board a plane with a gun:
“Maybe I’m being a little too judgmental, but these two don’t seem like the sharpest knives in the drawer.”
http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSN1722436320070318

5. On a Utah driver that had the license plate reading "merlot" for 10 years on his car until the Utah Tax Commission told him last week that he had to remove it because the state doesn't allow words of intoxicant to be used on vanity plates:
“However, the term goatf**ker can apparently still be used…”
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070318/ap_on_fe_st/merlot_plate;_ylt=AqXIhMRd_s69KupTwtlC5qTtiBIF

6. On a man cutting off his own penis and testicles with a 6 inch kitchen knife in a drunken rage after his wife left him (he apparently drank multiple bottles of Vodka):
“I think it is safe to say that I have never been anywhere close to that drunk in my life … although I have been known to dance to ‘It’s Raining Men.’”
http://www.shortnews.com/start.cfm?id=61106

7. On Indian police starting to wear uniforms that'll make them sweet-smelling and sweat-free:
“If only this mandate was made for cab drivers in Philly as well…”
http://wcbstv.com/topstories/local_story_075151003.html

8. On North Korea telling delegates at international nuclear talks on Saturday that it is preparing to shut down its main nuclear facility … in exchange for $25 million:
“Where is Austin Powers when you need him?”
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17658737/