Topical Chat, July 16, 1007

It’s mid-July, and I already miss Anna Nicole …

1. On a man serving a 20-year sentence for murder has trying to sue God for breach of contract by failing to protect him from evil and turning him over to Satan who encouraged him to kill:
“The thing is, that God may be at a disadvantage, because Satan probably has the best lawyers.”
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=56680

2. On Kimberly-Clark unveiling new high-tech toilet paper dispensers that give out five sheets of TP per sitting, no more:
“I guess ‘The Mummy’ will be a thing of the past.”
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19731640/

3. On an amputee who was jumped early Saturday by a group of men who took his prosthetic leg and then beat him with it, and then drove over him while he was lying on the ground:
“I’m guessing this guy isn’t going to ‘stand’ for this sort of behavior …”
http://wcbstv.com/watercooler/local_story_195234536.html

4. On an officer on routine patrol discovering the body of a woman lying in the street around 3:30 a.m. Thursday after his unlit cruiser drove over her:
“This is without a doubt the best way to discover things …”

5. On a waitress who has never bought a stock in her life winning CNN’s much-hyped $1 million stock-picking contest:
“All those people who went to college must be really feeling good about themselves right about now …”
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19749929/from/RS.5/

6. On this past Saturday being the 28th Annual Mooning of Amtrak in Orange County CA:
“Um … I’d bet a boatload of money that alcohol is somehow involved in this one.”
http://www.moonamtrak.org/index.html

7. On Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki saying Saturday that the Iraqi army and police are capable of keeping security in the country when American troops leave "any time they want:"
“Obviously – I mean, look how well they’re currently doing WITH OUR HELP!”
http://www.forbes.com/feeds/ap/2007/07/14/ap3914332.html

8. On city council officials ordering a pub in England to shut its windows to stop cigarette smoke drifting inside:
“This is what happens when those in power have far too much time on their hands …”
http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2007320600,00.html

9. On scores of Indian children attending a school located in a graveyard having recurring nightmares about ghosts and are appealing to authorities to shift them from the site:
“As a teacher, wouldn’t this be great? ‘Hey kids, if you don’t settle down, I’ll do to you what I did to my previous class!’”
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070712/od_nm/india_graves_dc;_ylt=AsWeB_QQQiL0h.88gKngtdjtiBIF