Topical Chat, July 9, 2007

I just want to congratulate the Phils ahead of time for that magical milestone of 10,000 losses … the Washington Generals think you guys suck.

1. On a college student being given Paris Hilton’s old cell phone number by a cell phone company:
“The phone now has crabs …”
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/07/06/parishilton.cellphone.ap/index.html

2. On a 23-year old Bostonian crying "not fair" when his license is revoked for receiving 10 moving violations in five years:
“This guy should never be allowed to drive again … or be Bin Laden’s personal Chauffer.”
http://www.boston.com/news/local/maine/articles/2007/07/08/motorist_snared_by_new_law_says_its_unfair/

3. On the statement from Jeroen van der Veer, CEO of oil conglomerate Royal Dutch Shell, saying the world will be just fine using fossil fuels for the next fifty years:
“That’s like asking the CEO of Pepsi which soda was the best…”
http://news.yahoo.com/s/usnews/20070706/ts_usnews/shellceosaysconservationisntenough

4. On the annual Red Neck Games taking place this past weekend:
“Just a shot in the dark, but I’ll be the General Lee made an appearance…”
http://www.13wmaz.com/news/local_story.aspx?storyid=40753

5. On thousands of people commemorating the 1947 “UFO crash” in Roswell, New Mexico:
“In their own planets, do you think aliens getting moving violations tickets … and if so, how much would this one have been?”
http://apnews.myway.com//article/20070708/D8Q8AMVG0.html

6. On a school that increased their test scores by suspending low-scoring students before test time, firing complaining teachers, and changing hundreds of test answers:
“Ah, the ‘No Child Left Behind’ campaign hard at work … “
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/07/08/UPREP.TMP&tsp=1

7. On nearly 4,800 fluorescent yellow golf balls missing from a suburban Kansas City golf course after someone raided its driving range:
“Man, whoever did that sure has a lot of balls … ba-da-bing!”
http://kansas.com/news/state/story/116477.html

8. On a therapist who has been accused of taking advantage of a patient with a split personality - using one of her alter egos for sex, another to be his cleaner and a third to lend him cash for holidays:
“Why does this sound like one Jerry Lewis’ later movies?”
http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/article-23403292-details/Therapist%20'had%20sex%20with%20split%20personalities%20patient's%20other%20self'/article.do