Topical Chat, January 14, 2008

(I wrote this thing on Sunday morning) – I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Let’s Go Giants!!!.

1. On Brittany Spears telling family and friends she intends to marry her paparazzo lover Adnan Ghalib in a Scientology marriage ceremony:
“Seriously, why not have the reception at Neverland Ranch?”
http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/31287/Scientologists-to-marry-Britney

2. On the Scottish police force being hailed as the best gay employer:
“Gives a whole new meaning to cuffing and frisking …”
http://news.scotsman.com/uk/Police-force-hailed-as-best.3652332.jp

3. On a pill that is being created to let hamburger-and-chips lovers eat their favorite fatty foods without putting on too much weight – plus, it could reduce the need to eat large amounts of vegetables with a meal, would be cheap to buy and could be on sale in Britain within a year:
“My God, first the pill that reverses liver damage, and then this? If I’m dreaming, please, don’t wake me!”
http://www.mailonsunday.co.uk/pages/live/articles/health/healthmain.html?in_article_id=507896&in_page_id=1774

4. On a Japanese elementary school teacher being in hot water for hitting all the children in her class after misbehavior from only a handful of students:
“Well, at the very least, she’s not in trouble for HITTING ON all of those children, like many U.S. teachers …”
http://mdn.mainichi.jp/national/news/20080112p2a00m0na016000c.html

5. On a woman who recently won a national scrapbooking contest, but having her title taken away because of a scandal regarding the use of photographs she had not taken herself:
“My God, we’re gonna have to push the Brittany stories aside, we got a real scorcher here!”
http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-scrapper12jan12,0,2864452,full.story

6. On an 89-year-old man being killed by an exploding Christmas tree:
“Please don’t tell me the Christmas trees are declaring Jihad too …”
http://www.int.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=29&art_id=nw20080111192413938C919191

7. On a mom being arrested for putting her 7-year-old into oven as punishment for losing a cell phone:
“Thank goodness his report card grades were good …”
http://www.poughkeepsiejournal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080112/NEWS01/80112002